At some time, most experience the classic break-up feelings after a relationship ends.
I did this year, the end of which was unexpected and quite painful.
It was certainly not the ending for which both of us had, at one time, desired; and, it was certainly not how I expected it to end once the end was in sight.
Does this sound familiar?
If so, I imagine you cannot decide which feelings and emotions are more painful—the actual breakup, or the emotions later once your adrenalin and some of the anger has worn off.
Perhaps it is just different, not a more or less comparison.
Regardless, it is not uncommon for those having recently gone through a breakup to experience a wide array of emotions, including depression.
This is dangerous territory as depression is known to cause an altered perception of reality–a negative one.
You may find yourself feeling hopeless and unlovable. Or, more simply put, you may just feel as if your life “stinks.”
Where you used to wake up looking forward to the day, you suddenly find yourself resenting that you have to go through another day feeling like you do.
What you once enjoyed is no longer enjoyable. What was once important is no longer important.
These are all signs of depression that can haunt us after relationship ends.
As I went through the process, I made a point to learn more about what not only I observed within myself but also what anyone dealing with such circumstances may experience.
Although it varies by person, there are also many similar stages, emotions and post-breakup issues that may arise during these times.
It has been interesting and helpful; and, hopefully, you find some comfort from this article if you are not yet through it.
First and foremost, remember that time does help heal.
We must accept the “gray days” along with the “sunny days,” but there are ways to help us avoid a full-blown depression and avoid making the healing process longer than it needs to be.
Don’t Ignore Your Feelings
Ignoring your TRUE feelings, both bad and good, is not healthy.
It helps you heal by expressing them to someone, whether a family member or close friend.
If anything, start by writing out your feelings in a journal.
Sometimes it helps to just get your thoughts out of your head and somewhere else.
If you are like me, the longer you keep the thoughts in the greater the risk that those thoughts and feelings will multiply.
Talk, write—whatever works for you.
However, at some point in the process, your need to talk about the breakup should decrease.
If months have gone by, and you are still going on and on to your friend or family member, it may be a good idea to find a counselor who can listen and provide professional guidance to help you through the healing.
Forget a Former Flame
No, I am not referring to your most recent partner, but rather anyone before him/her.
Do not run to a former partner for comfort.
Even if he/she is willing to listen, you are putting yourself at risk for another “loss” from which you will need to heal.
It is also unfair to that other person, as they may begin to feel used and may close themselves off emotionally in fear of you dropping them as soon as you feel better.
Then, you have no chance of keeping them as a friend if that is your desire.
If there is a hope of befriending this person, now is not the time.
“But it Hurts…”
Yes, it hurts – even physically for some, reporting a heavy aching in their chest or extreme fatigue.
These feelings are real and stem partially from the loss of even more than a partner but also your vision for the future, hopes and support.
During this time, it is important to recognize the origin of these painful emotions, thereafter accepting that it is natural and not uncommon.
You are not alone.
You may no longer be in this particular relationship, but you are among many individuals going through similar circumstances.
If baby steps are all you can do, that’s fine so long as they are steps forward.
Begin refocusing your vision, hopes and support around you.
There is no “us” right now.
It is just you, but it certainly does not have to be a sad you.
Take care of yourself right now by not dwelling on the past.
Stop reliving the breakup and putting yourself through those emotions again.
You probably have enough emotions tailing around.
You do not need to go back and get some more by reliving everything.
This makes it impossible to move forward. If you feel yourself falling into this trap, stop.
Look at your reality for what it is.
Try telling yourself things like,
Do whatever works for you, and allow yourself time to heal.
It is a true healing process, like a wound from a scratch or injury.
It will heal with time.
Just be patient enough to give yourself the time you need.